Well, it only makes sense. After all, LPGA stands for Ladies Professional Golf of America.
What’s that? It doesn’t? It means Ladies Professional Golf Association?
Well, the English-only policystill makes sense because, as LPGA State Farm Classic tournament director Kate Peters said, “This is an American tour.” They play all of their events right here in the good ole U-S-of-A, right?
Wrong? They play nine tournaments outside of the States? You don’t say?
The best LPGA players are Red, White and Blue, though. That still holds true.
No? Seventeen of the top 20 players on the current Rolex Women’s World Golf Rankings hail from outside the U.S.?
Damn, that’s a lot.
But the Yanks are doing well this year, correct? I mean, Cristie Kerr just won the most recent event in Oregon.
She’s only the third different American to win on tour in 2008? Seven of the last 11 winners were born in Asia? All four major champions this year are exports?
Well bully for them. This game isn’t all about golf, you know; it’s about money. This is a business, and nobody knows that better than LPGA commissioner Carolyn Bivens. Who wants to watch a bunch of Kims and Parks and Yangs at the top of the leaderboard every week?
Say what? Almost every LPGA event is carried on South Korean television? The majority of the tour’s TV rights fees come from outside of the U.S., with the largest share from South Korea?
This is all semantics (that’s an English word, right?) It doesn’t matter where the TV money comes from or where the best players come from – this is America, dang it. And when you’re in America you learn to speak American.
It doesn't matter that only 9% of U.S. citizens can speak their native language plus another language fluently , and that only a slightly higher percentage than that can actually speak their own language properly.
America is the Super Power. America doesn't adjust to other people; they adjust to America. What America says goes, man – or wo-man, in this case.
In fact, the LPGA shouldn't stop with just making the players learn English. Make them learn to be hot, too – even the Americans. No more out-of-shape girls, just a tour full of Natalie Gulbises, Paula Creamers and Erica Blasbergs.
Oh, and make them wear bikinis like those volleyball chicks in the Olympics.
After all, this isn’t just golf; this is entertainment. And this ain’t Korea; it’s America.
